If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You were trust falling into bushes
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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