You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
