i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
