I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
