in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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