so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
