so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
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The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
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We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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