# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
