I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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