you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
