I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
