I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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