what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i think my mom watched the whole time
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
