I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
