eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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