He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
