Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
