I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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