not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
