man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
