is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
