Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
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Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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