My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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