dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize