I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
