i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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