Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
The adults are the big ones right?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
