somebody snuck up and got me drunk
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize