I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
