if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Sorry about my life...
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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