It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
