Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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