So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
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