remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
A+ Viking dick
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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