i think i have two assholes
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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