there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
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I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
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We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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