He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
