is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
