if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
