So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
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I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
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its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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