in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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