i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
