Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
