Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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