i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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