Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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