She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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