Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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