Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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