So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize