how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
How's work?
Spinning.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
