I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
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I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
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Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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