they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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