I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
