I'd wear matching sweaters with you
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
