Well apparently he's into motor boating.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
