did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
