Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
