So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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