dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
