Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Boobs speak an international language.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
