I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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