two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
