He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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