I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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