she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
