my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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