all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
