Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
