so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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