I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
